Then you go to the next meeting where no one is yelling and you complain about the person who just yelled. Encouraged by their support, your brief, momentary release transforms into righteous indignation and, becoming even more incensed, you experience the initial uncomfortable feelings all over again. In other words, while the energy dissipates, it expands. The amount of time you spend thinking about it extends for hours, sometimes days and weeks.
In fact, that might be the biggest problem: Complaining is a violent move to inaction. It replaces the need to act. If instead of complaining, we allowed ourselves to feel the energy without needing to dissipate it immediately — which requires what I call emotional courage — then we could put that energy to good use. In other words, let the uncomfortable feeling you have — the one that would otherwise lead you to complain — lead you to take a productive action.
Go ahead and complain. Just do it directly — and thoughtfully — to the person who is the cause of your complaints. Talk to the person who yelled in the meeting. That, of course, also takes emotional courage. And rather than become the negative influence, you become the leader. If you want to brave this route, let your urge to complain be the trigger that drives you to take action in the moment or, if you missed the moment, then shortly after :.
And, just maybe, it could be worth the risk to say something. Can we go a little more gently here? Or it may gain you their respect and, in one sentence, change the direction of the leader and the organization. And transform what could have become weeks of complaining into a moment of productive engagement.
More than once I have seen someone gain the respect of everyone in the room because they were courageous enough to be direct — caringly, compassionately, and truthfully. Time Traveler. Love words? Need even more definitions? Ask the Editors 'Everyday' vs.
What Is 'Semantic Bleaching'? How 'literally' can mean "figuratively". Literally How to use a word that literally drives some pe Is Singular 'They' a Better Choice?
The awkward case of 'his or her'. Subscribe to America's largest dictionary and get thousands more definitions and advanced search—ad free! Log in Sign Up. Save Word. Definition of instead. Synonyms for instead Synonyms first , rather Visit the Thesaurus for More.
Examples of instead in a Sentence I was offered a ride, but I chose to walk instead. Recent Examples on the Web But in a hunter's miracle, the whitetail instead sniffed the paddleboat and, like a bloodhound, tracked Kevin's footsteps all the way to his tree stand.
Smith, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel , 8 Nov. First Known Use of instead , in the meaning defined at sense 1. Learn More About instead. Time Traveler for instead The first known use of instead was in See more words from the same year. Style: MLA.
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